I've disappeared I know.

But you can't blame me. I've been working a lot lately. Burger King needs me! [/sarcasm].

No I don't work there mind you. I went over to Florida to look for some heat and sun but instead I get a hurricane. Isn't that wonderful? so that didn't last long. Rink was laughing so bad at me... not my fault I don't keep up with the weather channel >:| and since we got wet and he laughed so hard, he caught a cold. He blames it on me of course.

Other than that incident, I've been a good boy. Screwed-- tended my boyfriend, did the laundry and cooked. You may pet me. I also learned how to do tea to keep Rink's mouth busy. Insert all your naughty thoughts here.

I'm trying to convice Rink to go to Greece so we can actually do SOMETHING this summer. A nice change of scenery won't hurt but the plane ride will kill me. I HATE PLANES. *growl*

So now that I'm done whinning I'll go back and take care of my boyfriend.

Argh to the infinite

I'm so fucking mad. I have this big ass headache mixed up with this big ass short of breath thing along with RINK internet flirting. Dude... don't you know ANYTHING?! why... of course not. Since we met little Alice, which I think he likes or something, oh by the by, I'm paranoid, he's been focusing on her as an excuse to ignore me. ARGH.

I'm a JEALOUS person. J-E-A-L-O-U-S. I'm an attention whore and I need people to LOVE me or atleast treat me-- you know what. If you don't know this, then fuck you. I'm sure as hell not going to tell you. Go fuck a tree.

ARGH. Violence. Violence. Must do therapy. Pills. Something. Must cool. Must be calm. Think happy violent thoughts. Ok bad. Damn, where's a shrink when you need one?

::EDIT:: later that morning... 8 am...
We made up. Woo.
The end.

Ok no. That's not the end. It was great actually. I just hate talking about my happy stuff because then people will envy me and jinx me. Whatever.
We had a big -little- fight over nothing very relevant, other than I'm a big jealous freak and Rink is a very possessive person and doesn't want me to flirt but he can. Yes. You can stop laughing at us. We're adorable in our own way.
After I apologized and he apologized, we had great love making. Sex I mean. Ok. Both. I love him damnit so I can be corny! uh-oh, mah lover is stirring. Must tend to his needs.

And yes, I love you fans so much that I only wake up to update you.

Get ready for this: Michel is BORED

I'm not used to being back. Feels as if this is a baby I have to take care of, feeding it words so it doesn't die on me. Hmm. I'm all alone at home [it's tradition] and Rink is at the office working... or reading smut... or playing in his laptop. Whichever really. And since I'm all alone, with nothing better to do than chat online and write here... I'll do it good.

A small update on my life. [Hold on to your pony].
I dunno where to start. For starters, I'm no longer single but I guess you all know THAT by now. If not, dumbasses, read previous posts. My Rink... ahhh... feels so good to say that! *feels devilish* eat your heart out stinkin' DELTONS! HAH.

Ahem, sorry. That was my inmaturity. I'm sure you'll get acquainted with it soon enough.

I worked as Rink's bodyguard after a while. Technically I'm still under-contract. It fits my personality quite well: protective, obsessive, zealous, jealous, possessive, *insert more adjectives*[sp?]... and currently, I'm unemployed because I do absolutely nothing the whole day other than wake up, eat, do something random, wait for Rink to get here then dedicate all my time to Rink.

Hmm, I just thought of condoms. Heh. I don't use those anymore *evuuul*

Yes, I'm your basic little housewife. Anyone has a problem with it can fuck me. Oh no wait. Bad me. That's no longer allowed. *evuul again*

And I moved. We live in Detroit, not Boston. Too much crap in Boston, too many painful events and painful everything to keep on living there. Not to mention a very annoying human being stalking MY Rink. *glare* I'm a big anti-change person [again, you don't know that what on earth are you doing here? ¬¬] but this was necessary.

Oh yeah, allow me clear out something. I may come out as mean, sarcastic and all that to you. Don't worry. That's who I am. Get used to it. *sticks tongue out*
God, this inmaturity is getting on my nerves >:|

Considering that I'm all alone... bored... I got myself involved in this big project. It's big, very big. I mean. I have no other words other than BIG to describe it. I have my vision and it's on the works. You'll find out soon enough, trust me. I have been working on it for a while now.

I rejoined my band. "Acronym". I'm not exactly desperate for activity but they are desperate for a member [more specifically, moi]. I've written a few songs so, why not?

"If I only had one life to live
Wouldn't it be easier to die today
No past to hold and no future to give
Dust the star left in the way

But if that would have been so
Let myself believe that this life is not mine
I would die without knowing
That 'love' is not enough

That 'love' is beyond me now
What I feel for you is not merely love
Beyond songs and poetry, beyond sun-bathed skies
Beyond flowers and sugar-coated lies
..."

I'll leave my inspirational flow here. My eyes hurt and I'm starved. Must catch Rink for some lunch. I have complicated concept for songs and I really hate it when words are not enough.

There. No complaining people. A real post! and long too!

Well lookie here...

I'm back. Not by popular demand mind you, simply because I wanted to. So HAH. Take that invisible person.

Why did I decide to update this again, basically, let you all have an indecent view of my life? I'm an attention whore I suppose. So those of you who thought were actually rid of me, guess again. The sadistic bastard you all love to hate is back, for good. [or atleast until I get tired of being a blogging slave].

Speaking of slaves... *purr*

My computer is pretty much dead so don't expect A LOT of updates until it decides to be nice again or until I decide to fix it. Whichever really.

Enough with being pointless.

Replaced

I've been replaced, shunned, pushed aside... I'm not priority. Well, are we surprised? Why OF COURSE NOT. I've been pushed aside ever since this fucking new year started... right in the middle of the first month. Things have been loosing pace, loosing pretty much everything.

SHE is in the picture. Now he has to focus on HER. And moi? Why on the last table in the far corner beyond the rooms where the kings normally keep their mistresses. Since I'm a MALE mistress. Good grief, shoot me. What on earth am I rambling about? so? it was like this in the very beginning, no?

But things change.

Then again, I won't have to worry in the sense of me being a complete sadistic asshole [you know, the real me before Rink] I just have to remember the following:
-Rink kissing Ashley
-Rink and Ashley doing it
-Rink wanting to reproduce with a baboon-- ahem, Ashley
-Rink being a parent
-Rink paying attention and being amused by Ashley
-Rink smiling at Ashley
-Rink laughing with Ashley
-Rink touching Ashley
-Rink telling Ashley that he loves her
-Rink... doing anything with Ashley

[demn, I'm getting all depressed.]

Fucker. I hate people. This is the main reason. You fall in love, and the pain intensifies times a million, AND this is when they most hurt you. Christ! what cruel irony is this? I'm sorry, I love you and I can't bare you two together. I rather stab myself, drink poison and then jump off a plane without a parachute before seeing anymore of you. And what am I in the story? the one who follows the little thing around, harrasses and bothers everyone. And no one loves me... well, maybe Vero a little.

I'm all alone again and it sucks. We Stockers cannot be left alone damn it. We die.

Why can't I be one of those that hangs on to memories
And dies with them enveloped in their heart
As the most precious thing
The world could ever give them part

I'll let the moon cradle me gently
Until I fall asleep and then I'll cry
My tears becoming stars
My eyes as red as Mars

When I go down to earth and find your window
I'll sing you a song once you sleep
So I can live in your dreams
In your everflowing stream

I can't beg you to love me
I can't beg you to embrace me
I can't beg you to hold me
Only that you never forget me.

-Me [10:25 pm]

Long time no write.

...
*sigh*
...

I'll go find myself beneath my covers. That's where I last saw me. Can you help me? you took away that small part of me, that ever loved. If you don't want it, you can always return it. Love for me, has no time nor space, much less gender, race or age... to me, love is love. You are LOVE for me, you are my love, regardless of time going by... regardless of lovers. You'll be forever beautiful in my eyes. It matters not if you don't love me. I'll be watching you, nonetheless. In this world where love is but an illusion, I want you to be my reality.

I'm a disgusting romantic fag, I know. Shoot me now.

Secrecy

A secret can hurt. A secret can hurt when a relationship is secret. Well, not really secret. It hurts a million times more when you have to be pushed aside for a while, this other part of me, this other relationship needs my time. Yeah. I understand. I would want time with you too. Afterall, love makes you a sorry dependant fuck so why wouldn't that be in the equation as well?

I feel so jealous and sad. I don't want to jump to any drastic emotions. I want to remain numb forever. I've said that before. It's so delicious to be numb, to not feel anything, to be completely sedated from pain, hurt, jealousy and those mundane feelings that could destroy anyone.

St. Valentine's is right there... right there around the corner and I'll most probably spend it watching them. That's my new job nowadays. But I already knew that. Life is never fair to anyone. Love hurts endlessly, needlessly.

I'm really surprised with myself, I never expected to be this way with someone whom I knew had 'something' with another girl. So? I shouldn't worry. But I'm selfish, so I do. I want him all to myself but I can't say that. I can't be selfish, I can't say anything...

Mirror lie to me
And let me see what I dream to be
Not what I really am.
[/poetic moment]

He sent me a card though... yay.

*proceeds to sit alone in a corner and sing to himself*

--

Good grief. A 'baby' now is in the picture. After he swore he wouldn't reproduce, because he just couldn't... but he chose her after all. She must be so special. She really must be. The way he was hugging her and smiling, and then a Valentine date.

It's killing me...

I know I've sinned before but... I didn't think it would hurt this much. This isn't my reality. I wonder what reality HE prefers? I can't ask him that. I can't say anything.

I've been listening to all kinds of romance songs, tomorrow being that dreaded Valentines. I can feel my heart tearing, even if my headphones are blasting against my ears. I close my eyes, I prefer to not think at all. Everything hurts right now. I don't care for my own happiness; irrelevant, it's irrelevant. I just want you with me... why does that seem so much now? But I guess that means I DO want my own happiness.

*shoots self*

New Years

Happy New Years. I'm with Rink in Vail, Colorado. All is right with the world.