So tired. Want sleep. Zzz. Hehe. And yes, you guessed it. I'm not in the mood to entertain you all with my words. People, get a hobby. And I don't count. Or maybe I do, who makes the rules around here anyway? :P My journal, my rules. I can contradict myself if I want to. Hmm... coke would be nice.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's start the Questions and Answers part of the day. This is concerning my last entry, in you didn't know and didn't check on my journal a billion times a day to see if I wrote something new. My life is so interesting. I should do a movie.
Q&A: by a very sleepy Michel
1. WTF?
I say the same. This one of those relationship crisis. Only this one is semi-moderated, right now that is.
2. What did you see in his eyes? WHAT DID YOU SEE?!?
An iris, some color... ok seriously. I saw a lot of things, things I hadn't seen before. Let me explain something fyi. Rink is a very specific type of person. He's the one that you see and think DAMN, he's so cute! I want to rape him! or OMG! what a snotty, selfish, spoiled brat!. Whichever you choose, you're accurate. He's all that, plus more. You just don't see don't you. He just keeps it WELL hidden <--notice the WELL. I'm not entirely sure of his reasons but I could ballpark it. Let's say, he wants to protect himself from getting hurt. He doesn't want people to know his real persona, etc etc. But if you take your time to look at him, seriously and not with him infront of you because you're bound to get distracted. Use a picture or something. Once you do, you'll notice what I'm saying. He has this deep, lost look in his eyes. A lost boy. He doesn't know where he's going, he's just going wherever the wind takes him. [He has a Pocahontas complex I know].
There is also something else. It's... as if the world has gone through him so many times. He's seen so much, felt so much that he's not able to show it. He's far more complex than he leads on. Trust me. You just can't imagine that, a guy that lets his mind wander about what kind of colors would he have if he were a butterfly, would have gone through life as it's guinea pig. It's something. It's pain, it's hurt, it's distrust, it's solitude, it's abandonment, it's neglect... he's the spoiled brat he is now because of circumstances. As I am an bastard because of... well no, that's nature really. Ahem. Back to Rink. What kind of circumstances? I'm unsure. I would ask him but... he's not very crazy about me right now. And maybe it's not my place to ask just yet. We have a lot of stuff to address in general. His eyes say a lot of things: "Love me", "Hate me", "Don't hurt me", "Get away from me", "Protect me", "Hehehe".
I can make a whole book just about trying to define Rink or try to get to understand him. Rink needs a certain type of person to be with him. I tend to ask myself if I am that person. Someone that is very similar to him or else that person would commit suicide in a few days... or kill him. Whichever suits the person better to get rid of the "pest". But in comes the catch, Rink isn't a pest really. He's just a child, in many many ways. I mean it seriously. He thinks of people as toys and wants to play with them. When he gets tired, he just leaves them there and moves on. Horrible huh? but there's a reason. There's always a reason. And trust me, I'm not trying to defend him, much less justify him. He just wants someone, no matter how much he denies it. He needs someone and not because he's needy, but because otherwise he would go insane. I would dare say he didn't have a proper childhood. Nowadays hardly no one does but I'm guessing his was a special case. He needs someone that allows him to have a childhood now and remind him that he's still a grown-up in some cases. Devotion is a must.
Considering how naturally curious I am, I was considering a few things. Just how deep and rooted are his feelings? is it because he keeps them to himself that he has so many mood swings? or is just clinically insane? am I willing to sacrifice my being for him? to get to know him, to allow him to self-destruct so then I could re-program him? If so, I have to do so many things. I'm dysfunctional as it is. Imagine me helping someone as dysfunctional as myself, or even more. No one really knows. We just see the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him. I can't deny it. There are times I just want to focus on myself. But then he comes in and changes that. My instincts can be tricky.
Conclusion: I saw more in Rink than your average Ken doll.
3. Did you guys fight? It was you wasn't it.
Yes. A big fight and let's say... my patience died. Horribly. x-x
4. What else happened after what you said?
That's another post. I need to focus on explaining everything now, so stop being such an animal and stop asking these questions.
5. Why is Rink so silent?
Many reasons. He's thinking a lot. He's not very fond of my persona and he's scared of me and what I might do. He's keeping loads of feelings to himself concerning me and how he'd like to roast me alive. I know that just by seeing him. He's freaked out.
6. What will you talk about? and how? when?
We need to talk about a lot of things. Enough said.
NEW QUESTIONS!. Because you love me and you're addicted to me.
7. Why did you what you did? [which you haven't specified by the way! :@]
Let's get a few things straight [or gay, whichever is your cup of tea]. I am a whore, a very possessive whore. I like to flirt, I like to kiss, I like to fuck and I like to dance. What I don't like is when someone that I'm with in a relationship [once in a blue moon] changes their mind, sets some rules without me knowning crap and expects you to follow them as if it was a blind faith. Don't fuck around when you're with me. Don't. I'm going to find out, I'm going to get pissed off and I'm going to take measures. Don't think you can use me for silly entertainment, be sure that I'll give you more than you can chew. Don't flirt in my face so blatantly. Don't you dare treat others far better than you treat me. Don't you dare diminish my persona because that's the only way you can control me. You CAN'T control me. Period.
8. Dude, why do you care so much?
I have my reasons. Why shouldn't I? Which part of everything that I mentioned beforehand didn't answer this question? Let me put it out clear for you simple-minded folks that love to ask for the sake of asking. Rink is someone that needs to be protected, it emanates from him. Me, I'm someone that's used to protect others. You do the math. Plus, I love to meet fascinating people that break the schemes of how a normal person should behave like. Man, I'm getting all whiny and annoying and my eyes are itching. I can't help but care. Would you leave an abandoned puppy out in the cold rain? seeing how it bites others as they approach to save him and they give up? would you move along when you're sure you heard it cry out in desperation? and once you get near, the puppy bites you but you keep insisting because you know that even if it hurts now, you can put some ointment on it and the puppy will survive. It's not your fault that the puppy has been hurt, you can make a difference in it's life. Speaking of puppies, Pookie is fine.
9. What will you gain if you help him? It's not as if he asked you to do so.
I'm not sure. Him maybe?
10. You just want to get laid don't you?
No. I can get that pretty easily.
11. Is Rink still shallow to you?
It's easier to think that he is shallow. That way you don't have to get into the really complicated part that is knowing a person. The image Rink portrays is that of a shallow person that only cares about looking good, flirting, making out, getting laid, eating good food and having everything he wants when he wants it. You're average person. I've always known that he's not shallow. They tend to say the ones that smile the most are the ones that have suffered the most, to the point that they find no use in showing it. Considering how childish Rink is, I can only imagine what he's gone through.
OVERALL CONCLUSION!.
I'm sick of this now. I'm going to plunge into my memories and recover a little something, probably the only thing that my mother ever said that made sense. "What will make you want to love someone, Michel? that you can save them or that they can save you?". Deep? ... And I'll leave it here for now because my stomach is on strike.
Jeez, what does Blogger have that makes me want to write in it so much? O_o
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