I hate these days. We all want to live without regrets but they just come back to bite you in the ass. I've been avoiding them for a while. I never feel guilty [recent events might vary this piece of information]. Today I waited for them to come and hit me but none showed up. No regrets for what I did. Nothing. It's not my place to feel hurt anymore, much less betrayed as I had originally had. Sure, I didn't want to hurt him but I had no choice. There is something else that I should be focusing my energy in. Besides, I hate to wallow. I hate melodrama in general. I thought about how there's so much to be said. Slowly I look towards the horizon, walking slowly, letting the sun sting my eyes.
Why haven't you left? Why are you still here? How do you feel? what do you feel? you seem so resigned, so willing to accept your punishment. You're not dumb. You know what you did. All the shit that you pulled off. I pulled some shit too. We are the vivid example of Newton's law: cause [you] and consequence [me]. We complement each other. We're both self-destructive. We need someone to fall down with. I miss your voice. It's one of those times you have to take action [I'm referring to myself, dumbasses].
I see lightning across the sky, I can't hear the noise outside my mind. I slip my hand inside my pocket and take out my wallet. I see his picture, stare at his eyes. Suddenly, fear grips me. I see something that I've never seen before. How did this happen? when did it happen?
Small drops of water fall on the picture. I blink and look up. So much for my pretty morning. In a matter of seconds a downpour starts so I put my wallet back in my pocket. I don't move. I'm thinking... thinking about you... thinking about things... thinking about how annoying it is to think... I allow myself to say your name.
"Rink..."
Good grief. Pathetic moment starts now. Is this all my fault? what I have I failed to see? to notice? just how much am I willing to risk for you? what am I giving up? I can allow myself a mistake or two once, along with retorical questions. But I'm not softened. I'm not programmed to act a certain way to avoid getting hurt. DAMN HIM. He should have a sign that says "Tread carefully, risk of falling" >__<. Ahem, back to me and my narration moment. It wasn't until I snapped out of it that I noticed I was getting soaked. People running suddenly, seeking shelter. I start my walk back to the apartment. When I'm getting closer I close my eyes and sing loudly...
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain...
I carry out the tune, my eyes opening and focusing on the figure before me. His hand are stuffed in his pockets, his eyes bright and lost, his hair underneath a hood... he seems surprised. It was a movie-like moment. Everything slowly ceased to exist, we were the only living and breathing beings. I looked at him in the eyes, he looked away. There it was again. I moved closer to him, looking at him, looking down and I cupped his face. I sang to him softly
Look for the boy with the broken smile
Ask him if he wants to stay a while...
I kissed him. I kissed him like the song told me too. I embraced him. Fighting has one more good thing, how it feels to touch again. It always feels like the first time. He was frozen, unsure of what to do. We were going to suffer the consequences of the rain later, I just know it.
"We need to talk" I told him. He didn't say anything. It rained, believe it or not, harder after that.
[...]
What were my brilliant conclusions after this?
-Rains make normal situations seem more... magical
-Jogging doesn't clear your head, it fogs it. Too much to think.
-I probably should have opted for dialogue in the first place
What are the questions you probably have after this:
-WTF?
-What did you see in his eyes? WHAT DID YOU SEE?!?
-Did you guys fight? It was you wasn't it.
-What else happened after what you said?
-Why is Rink so silent?
-What will you talk about? and how? when?
-Hey, where's Pookie?
Only one is answered.
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