Shiny...

How do I summarize what's been going on? are there any words? Hmm. Interesting is one of them. Unique. Peculiar. Self-absorbed. Damn, I'm really into this whole word association. Ok, veering off the point again.

One of my circuits seems to have exploded. I felt I hit beyond rock-bottom with my patience and with my very core. I just cracked. This small sugar-coated world I believed to be part of shattered. All because of selfish pain, all because I wanted it to be that way.

I don't regret it that you're in pain. I don't regret it that you're going insane, I don't care if you are alone and isolated. I look at your misery and I enjoy it. Every bit of blood you've shed, I've drank from it. I tasted it, smiling sickly at your twisted face. You're in pain now. You're afraid. You're unsure.

GOOD. HAHAHA. How does it taste? do you like it? heh. I won't reach out for dramatic statements. I burned you with your own fire, the fire you used to burn me to crisp. I came back. The resentment flowing through my veins. Selfish prick. You cared only of yourself and yet you are dependant of others. How many have you fooled into their own insanity? I've been reaching out for you, I fell under your spell... but you got the wrong toy to play with. Don't undermine me to make yourself feel better. Boundaries are set.

I've watched you suffer, I've watched you fight and I've watched you hide. My reflexes have changed. I've sunken deeper into this dormant state of mine. I smile sickly as you squirm. I shouldn't be this happy or this pleased with myself. These weren't my original intentions. I don't care now. You're under my command, to please my every whim. I can have you every night, every day, every second... and at times I wonder what to do with you.

Are you confused? unsure? afraid? tramautized? welcome. Swim in your very river. How many a times I've wished to shake you even more and scream at you all you've caused, which you are not even concious of. This was just a game to you, until I took over. Now it's business. It's my game now. I play by my rules. People are just dolls to you? but I'm being unreasonable, my little play-thing. What made me chase after you? I wonder. If it was just your tight ass, might as well kill you now before you do a mess. But I still keep you.

I marvel at your body, my open canvas. Pain can be excruciatingly beautiful. I haven't felt this way before, so consumed, so obsessed, so powerful... there are times when it all breaks. I stare at you, so defenseless, so hurt and vulnerable. Your strings, the ones you used to pierce my heart so you could toy with it endlessly, tensed and felt something should be done. I held you. I felt you shake. Oxymorons. Dilema. Pain and torture, comfort and safety... I comforted you. This skin I'm wearing felt so awkward holding you, trying to make you feel better. It insisted. I must break you. I must make you suffer. I must make you taste this. Drink from this well.

Yes. We suffer. Yes. It's painful. Yes. Blood trails down our lips. Yes. Be afraid, I love hurting you. Yes. You're my drug. Yes. You make me remember. Yes. I'll make you forget.

After all this, what do I want from you? what?! I'm not sure. I want to make you fall so bad, that you won't be able to stand up. You'll love it and you'll hate it. You won't know what hit you. You can't run away anymore. The change is eminent. What more will you hide? everyone thinks they know you, everyone thinks they know what you really want. You hide it all. That's why no one sees it coming when you leave.

Newsflash pretty boy. You can't leave me.

I wanted to make an experiment with you but I chose you for the wrong experiment. Now I don't know... I wanted to try and tap into my humanity. My sadistic tendencies became overwhelming, I didn't want to believe it was all I ever had. But you're a puzzle. I misjudged you. Now, I'm back. Full gear. No more playing, no more giving in.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Man. I'm a real psycho. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm too busy staring at you. Don't guide me. Let us stay here. No one can see us, no one can find us. Let it all rot, it's dead anyway.

[...]

Now THAT was refreshing. ;)