Level of Hell

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Down with infatuations

We finally reached a compromise. After extensive therapy (both physical and emotional) Rink decided to stay. It took longer than expected since I had to use my coaxing abilities. Be afraid :P There must be something downright wrong about me trying to convince someone to trust me. Heh.

So what happened after the "Singing in the Rain" momentum?

We went inside the loft and took a bath. Not together pervs. We needed dry clothes or we [more Rink than I] would have died of a neumonia. Once we were all dry and groomed, it was time for me to start conversating with him. Yes, the apocalypse is near. It was... awkward but I didn't let it show. I'm not used to this in least. It's almost against my nature! but then I remind myself I'm going to be psychologist. But we won't get into that one. As I was saying... I told him why I did what I did. Ick. I hate explaining myself. And all of this was happening while I cradled him in my arms. He shook like a maraca in a Cuban number. They were violent tremors, like seizures or something. He's not used to positive touch of any kind and I'm thinking that likewise with genuine positive words. It's the anti-thesis of a normal person. This was the moment in which I noticed that this was the beginning of a very long and painful process. Detachment is not an option in this case even if I've been considering it over and over again since last night.

I must be stupid. Look at my side of the compromise. I agreed to give him part in everything I have [my sexual talents included] in exchange for us to make out, have sex and fool around. I want all that he can offer me. Roommates with privilages. He did warn me that he is the demanding type. He doesn't even have to pay rent. All he needs to do is BREATHE, LIVE, SHIT, EAT, SLEEP, ETC and he's all well. I even offered my services as a bodyguard. In comes: WTF?! what was I thinking?! was I even thinking?! is he pulling some weird witchcraft on me? O_O He did say something about leeching but I wasn't listening all that well. I just wanted him to stay, no matter what. That can be a somewhat reasonable explanation of why someone in their right mind would agree to all of this for a MEASLY pay. Even *I* find it fishy. Damn. Oh well. I have to keep this promise.

Just remembering last night makes want to make myself bleed. The frustration most of all. I was so out of it. A lifeless piece of meat for a while. And that my friends had a purpose. So I wouldn't find myself wanting to jump on him and doing him some more. We've had enough of me jumping on him for a good while. *frustration* Hell, the world should hand me an award for more resistance. The guy actually asked me to apply cream on his naked back. What is he? STUPID?! dude, you forget real quickly or you forgive real quickly or you're just stoned. I have no idea how I could keep 'junior' down but I just did. I nonchalantly applied it and nonchalantly left the room. Then I sat down on the stairway to think because that was an activity that I hadn't practiced in the whole episode. I let everything sink in. How I abilitated the habitat for my new pet. At some point I know I felt scared. I felt I wanted to run away from this. And you know, it would have been more reasonable to think of kicking him out of my life. But noooo, Michi likes Rinki. Michi wants to keep Rinki. Damn hormones.

Actually I like hormones. I can pin it all on them.

Man, the angst that overcame me when I kissed him. Jesus. He almost died. [Did you notice how Rink is almost dying in this whole entry? he's a species in extinction almost]. He pulled away and blinked. I kissed him again and he nearly pleaded when he asked if the privilages started right now. He meant sexual privilages. I just told him I was kissing him good-night. Bullshit Rink. I wanted to get in your pants! :o Actually no. I didn't want to at the moment. I just ached for touch, not to mention my hard-on was driving me insane.

As I sat on the stairway I wanted to go clubbing. I wanted new people, distractions... anything. I couldn't bring myself to leave him though. So I just sat there and thought about sandcastles. And how sandcastles are sad for me. They symbolize sad things. So poo. I'm not in the mood for depression right now. But, I was in the mood for some masturbating [how sad ;-;]. I didn't need that mentally though. I was in some other dimension. One were this crap of human relations wouldn't be so complicated. One in which pain and suffering would be part of dreams. I laughed of course. I enjoy pain. Reminds me that I'm alive and yet I don't want them to suffer. I don't want Rink to suffer, I don't want Caterina to suffer...

And while I masturbated, or once I was done with the self-service, I thought about how I've changed. What have I become and for who. We are not in this earth for anyone other than ourselves, right? so why do we care? so others care about us in exchange? How vain.

I don't want you to spread your wings, if that means that you'll be leaving me. But I'm over that now.

ARGH! what else is there for me to say?! what else do you want to know other than I'm trying not to get too involved so I don't regret it later and yet I'm doing the exact opposite. Oh, I'll so laugh at myself when shit happens. You'll see. I'll laugh at my stupidity >_>

For the record: my other favorite person to blame for my misfortunes... RINK.

A word for the running water in the field of snow

So tired. Want sleep. Zzz. Hehe. And yes, you guessed it. I'm not in the mood to entertain you all with my words. People, get a hobby. And I don't count. Or maybe I do, who makes the rules around here anyway? :P My journal, my rules. I can contradict myself if I want to. Hmm... coke would be nice.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's start the Questions and Answers part of the day. This is concerning my last entry, in you didn't know and didn't check on my journal a billion times a day to see if I wrote something new. My life is so interesting. I should do a movie.

Q&A: by a very sleepy Michel

1. WTF?

I say the same. This one of those relationship crisis. Only this one is semi-moderated, right now that is.

2. What did you see in his eyes? WHAT DID YOU SEE?!?

An iris, some color... ok seriously. I saw a lot of things, things I hadn't seen before. Let me explain something fyi. Rink is a very specific type of person. He's the one that you see and think DAMN, he's so cute! I want to rape him! or OMG! what a snotty, selfish, spoiled brat!. Whichever you choose, you're accurate. He's all that, plus more. You just don't see don't you. He just keeps it WELL hidden <--notice the WELL. I'm not entirely sure of his reasons but I could ballpark it. Let's say, he wants to protect himself from getting hurt. He doesn't want people to know his real persona, etc etc. But if you take your time to look at him, seriously and not with him infront of you because you're bound to get distracted. Use a picture or something. Once you do, you'll notice what I'm saying. He has this deep, lost look in his eyes. A lost boy. He doesn't know where he's going, he's just going wherever the wind takes him. [He has a Pocahontas complex I know].

There is also something else. It's... as if the world has gone through him so many times. He's seen so much, felt so much that he's not able to show it. He's far more complex than he leads on. Trust me. You just can't imagine that, a guy that lets his mind wander about what kind of colors would he have if he were a butterfly, would have gone through life as it's guinea pig. It's something. It's pain, it's hurt, it's distrust, it's solitude, it's abandonment, it's neglect... he's the spoiled brat he is now because of circumstances. As I am an bastard because of... well no, that's nature really. Ahem. Back to Rink. What kind of circumstances? I'm unsure. I would ask him but... he's not very crazy about me right now. And maybe it's not my place to ask just yet. We have a lot of stuff to address in general. His eyes say a lot of things: "Love me", "Hate me", "Don't hurt me", "Get away from me", "Protect me", "Hehehe".

I can make a whole book just about trying to define Rink or try to get to understand him. Rink needs a certain type of person to be with him. I tend to ask myself if I am that person. Someone that is very similar to him or else that person would commit suicide in a few days... or kill him. Whichever suits the person better to get rid of the "pest". But in comes the catch, Rink isn't a pest really. He's just a child, in many many ways. I mean it seriously. He thinks of people as toys and wants to play with them. When he gets tired, he just leaves them there and moves on. Horrible huh? but there's a reason. There's always a reason. And trust me, I'm not trying to defend him, much less justify him. He just wants someone, no matter how much he denies it. He needs someone and not because he's needy, but because otherwise he would go insane. I would dare say he didn't have a proper childhood. Nowadays hardly no one does but I'm guessing his was a special case. He needs someone that allows him to have a childhood now and remind him that he's still a grown-up in some cases. Devotion is a must.

Considering how naturally curious I am, I was considering a few things. Just how deep and rooted are his feelings? is it because he keeps them to himself that he has so many mood swings? or is just clinically insane? am I willing to sacrifice my being for him? to get to know him, to allow him to self-destruct so then I could re-program him? If so, I have to do so many things. I'm dysfunctional as it is. Imagine me helping someone as dysfunctional as myself, or even more. No one really knows. We just see the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him. I can't deny it. There are times I just want to focus on myself. But then he comes in and changes that. My instincts can be tricky.

Conclusion: I saw more in Rink than your average Ken doll.

3. Did you guys fight? It was you wasn't it.

Yes. A big fight and let's say... my patience died. Horribly. x-x

4. What else happened after what you said?

That's another post. I need to focus on explaining everything now, so stop being such an animal and stop asking these questions.

5. Why is Rink so silent?

Many reasons. He's thinking a lot. He's not very fond of my persona and he's scared of me and what I might do. He's keeping loads of feelings to himself concerning me and how he'd like to roast me alive. I know that just by seeing him. He's freaked out.

6. What will you talk about? and how? when?

We need to talk about a lot of things. Enough said.

NEW QUESTIONS!. Because you love me and you're addicted to me.

7. Why did you what you did? [which you haven't specified by the way! :@]

Let's get a few things straight [or gay, whichever is your cup of tea]. I am a whore, a very possessive whore. I like to flirt, I like to kiss, I like to fuck and I like to dance. What I don't like is when someone that I'm with in a relationship [once in a blue moon] changes their mind, sets some rules without me knowning crap and expects you to follow them as if it was a blind faith. Don't fuck around when you're with me. Don't. I'm going to find out, I'm going to get pissed off and I'm going to take measures. Don't think you can use me for silly entertainment, be sure that I'll give you more than you can chew. Don't flirt in my face so blatantly. Don't you dare treat others far better than you treat me. Don't you dare diminish my persona because that's the only way you can control me. You CAN'T control me. Period.

8. Dude, why do you care so much?

I have my reasons. Why shouldn't I? Which part of everything that I mentioned beforehand didn't answer this question? Let me put it out clear for you simple-minded folks that love to ask for the sake of asking. Rink is someone that needs to be protected, it emanates from him. Me, I'm someone that's used to protect others. You do the math. Plus, I love to meet fascinating people that break the schemes of how a normal person should behave like. Man, I'm getting all whiny and annoying and my eyes are itching. I can't help but care. Would you leave an abandoned puppy out in the cold rain? seeing how it bites others as they approach to save him and they give up? would you move along when you're sure you heard it cry out in desperation? and once you get near, the puppy bites you but you keep insisting because you know that even if it hurts now, you can put some ointment on it and the puppy will survive. It's not your fault that the puppy has been hurt, you can make a difference in it's life. Speaking of puppies, Pookie is fine.

9. What will you gain if you help him? It's not as if he asked you to do so.

I'm not sure. Him maybe?

10. You just want to get laid don't you?

No. I can get that pretty easily.

11. Is Rink still shallow to you?

It's easier to think that he is shallow. That way you don't have to get into the really complicated part that is knowing a person. The image Rink portrays is that of a shallow person that only cares about looking good, flirting, making out, getting laid, eating good food and having everything he wants when he wants it. You're average person. I've always known that he's not shallow. They tend to say the ones that smile the most are the ones that have suffered the most, to the point that they find no use in showing it. Considering how childish Rink is, I can only imagine what he's gone through.

OVERALL CONCLUSION!.

I'm sick of this now. I'm going to plunge into my memories and recover a little something, probably the only thing that my mother ever said that made sense. "What will make you want to love someone, Michel? that you can save them or that they can save you?". Deep? ... And I'll leave it here for now because my stomach is on strike.

Jeez, what does Blogger have that makes me want to write in it so much? O_o

People can be funny in the morning

I went jogging this morning to clear my head. So many people are out. I can't help stare. Fat ones, skinny ones, all kinds of people. Burglars too. Though I didn't see those distinctively mind you. Every sunrise is different, because I'm never the same. With music blasting through my headphones I had some real quiet time, if you conveniently ignore my mobile. I don't care who called, not at the moment. I was lost in thought. Questions filled my head and my very existence was being tested by the universe.

I hate these days. We all want to live without regrets but they just come back to bite you in the ass. I've been avoiding them for a while. I never feel guilty [recent events might vary this piece of information]. Today I waited for them to come and hit me but none showed up. No regrets for what I did. Nothing. It's not my place to feel hurt anymore, much less betrayed as I had originally had. Sure, I didn't want to hurt him but I had no choice. There is something else that I should be focusing my energy in. Besides, I hate to wallow. I hate melodrama in general. I thought about how there's so much to be said. Slowly I look towards the horizon, walking slowly, letting the sun sting my eyes.

Why haven't you left? Why are you still here? How do you feel? what do you feel? you seem so resigned, so willing to accept your punishment. You're not dumb. You know what you did. All the shit that you pulled off. I pulled some shit too. We are the vivid example of Newton's law: cause [you] and consequence [me]. We complement each other. We're both self-destructive. We need someone to fall down with. I miss your voice. It's one of those times you have to take action [I'm referring to myself, dumbasses].

I see lightning across the sky, I can't hear the noise outside my mind. I slip my hand inside my pocket and take out my wallet. I see his picture, stare at his eyes. Suddenly, fear grips me. I see something that I've never seen before. How did this happen? when did it happen?

Small drops of water fall on the picture. I blink and look up. So much for my pretty morning. In a matter of seconds a downpour starts so I put my wallet back in my pocket. I don't move. I'm thinking... thinking about you... thinking about things... thinking about how annoying it is to think... I allow myself to say your name.

"Rink..."

Good grief. Pathetic moment starts now. Is this all my fault? what I have I failed to see? to notice? just how much am I willing to risk for you? what am I giving up? I can allow myself a mistake or two once, along with retorical questions. But I'm not softened. I'm not programmed to act a certain way to avoid getting hurt. DAMN HIM. He should have a sign that says "Tread carefully, risk of falling" >__<. Ahem, back to me and my narration moment. It wasn't until I snapped out of it that I noticed I was getting soaked. People running suddenly, seeking shelter. I start my walk back to the apartment. When I'm getting closer I close my eyes and sing loudly...

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain...

I carry out the tune, my eyes opening and focusing on the figure before me. His hand are stuffed in his pockets, his eyes bright and lost, his hair underneath a hood... he seems surprised. It was a movie-like moment. Everything slowly ceased to exist, we were the only living and breathing beings. I looked at him in the eyes, he looked away. There it was again. I moved closer to him, looking at him, looking down and I cupped his face. I sang to him softly

Look for the boy with the broken smile
Ask him if he wants to stay a while...

I kissed him. I kissed him like the song told me too. I embraced him. Fighting has one more good thing, how it feels to touch again. It always feels like the first time. He was frozen, unsure of what to do. We were going to suffer the consequences of the rain later, I just know it.

"We need to talk" I told him. He didn't say anything. It rained, believe it or not, harder after that.

[...]

What were my brilliant conclusions after this?
-Rains make normal situations seem more... magical
-Jogging doesn't clear your head, it fogs it. Too much to think.
-I probably should have opted for dialogue in the first place

What are the questions you probably have after this:
-WTF?
-What did you see in his eyes? WHAT DID YOU SEE?!?
-Did you guys fight? It was you wasn't it.
-What else happened after what you said?
-Why is Rink so silent?
-What will you talk about? and how? when?
-Hey, where's Pookie?

Only one is answered.

Shiny...

How do I summarize what's been going on? are there any words? Hmm. Interesting is one of them. Unique. Peculiar. Self-absorbed. Damn, I'm really into this whole word association. Ok, veering off the point again.

One of my circuits seems to have exploded. I felt I hit beyond rock-bottom with my patience and with my very core. I just cracked. This small sugar-coated world I believed to be part of shattered. All because of selfish pain, all because I wanted it to be that way.

I don't regret it that you're in pain. I don't regret it that you're going insane, I don't care if you are alone and isolated. I look at your misery and I enjoy it. Every bit of blood you've shed, I've drank from it. I tasted it, smiling sickly at your twisted face. You're in pain now. You're afraid. You're unsure.

GOOD. HAHAHA. How does it taste? do you like it? heh. I won't reach out for dramatic statements. I burned you with your own fire, the fire you used to burn me to crisp. I came back. The resentment flowing through my veins. Selfish prick. You cared only of yourself and yet you are dependant of others. How many have you fooled into their own insanity? I've been reaching out for you, I fell under your spell... but you got the wrong toy to play with. Don't undermine me to make yourself feel better. Boundaries are set.

I've watched you suffer, I've watched you fight and I've watched you hide. My reflexes have changed. I've sunken deeper into this dormant state of mine. I smile sickly as you squirm. I shouldn't be this happy or this pleased with myself. These weren't my original intentions. I don't care now. You're under my command, to please my every whim. I can have you every night, every day, every second... and at times I wonder what to do with you.

Are you confused? unsure? afraid? tramautized? welcome. Swim in your very river. How many a times I've wished to shake you even more and scream at you all you've caused, which you are not even concious of. This was just a game to you, until I took over. Now it's business. It's my game now. I play by my rules. People are just dolls to you? but I'm being unreasonable, my little play-thing. What made me chase after you? I wonder. If it was just your tight ass, might as well kill you now before you do a mess. But I still keep you.

I marvel at your body, my open canvas. Pain can be excruciatingly beautiful. I haven't felt this way before, so consumed, so obsessed, so powerful... there are times when it all breaks. I stare at you, so defenseless, so hurt and vulnerable. Your strings, the ones you used to pierce my heart so you could toy with it endlessly, tensed and felt something should be done. I held you. I felt you shake. Oxymorons. Dilema. Pain and torture, comfort and safety... I comforted you. This skin I'm wearing felt so awkward holding you, trying to make you feel better. It insisted. I must break you. I must make you suffer. I must make you taste this. Drink from this well.

Yes. We suffer. Yes. It's painful. Yes. Blood trails down our lips. Yes. Be afraid, I love hurting you. Yes. You're my drug. Yes. You make me remember. Yes. I'll make you forget.

After all this, what do I want from you? what?! I'm not sure. I want to make you fall so bad, that you won't be able to stand up. You'll love it and you'll hate it. You won't know what hit you. You can't run away anymore. The change is eminent. What more will you hide? everyone thinks they know you, everyone thinks they know what you really want. You hide it all. That's why no one sees it coming when you leave.

Newsflash pretty boy. You can't leave me.

I wanted to make an experiment with you but I chose you for the wrong experiment. Now I don't know... I wanted to try and tap into my humanity. My sadistic tendencies became overwhelming, I didn't want to believe it was all I ever had. But you're a puzzle. I misjudged you. Now, I'm back. Full gear. No more playing, no more giving in.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Man. I'm a real psycho. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm too busy staring at you. Don't guide me. Let us stay here. No one can see us, no one can find us. Let it all rot, it's dead anyway.

[...]

Now THAT was refreshing. ;)

No more

I have a another boyfriend now.



Isn't he adorable? He's my Chinese crested puppy. I was going to name him Poopie but my classmates say it's too cruel so instead it's Pookie, the Spooky dog. Hehe. I love him. I just bought him today. He's in my backpack right now, whining and annoying the teachers. He better stop chewing on my iPod or he'll stop being cute. Wonder what Rink will think of him.

Drinking got me thinking (ppfft) about changing my major. It's not that psychology isn't doing much for me but I'm more into music. In the meantime, I'm taking some courses at Berklee over the internet. Refreshing some stuff, you know.

I've been planning something since last night, while I rolled in my bed pondering. Let's just call it a back-up plan, a desperate measures kind of thing. Considering the fact that I don't know who reads this (if any) I won't say anything about it until I'm actually driven to do something like that. Curiosity is probably chewing on you, huh? No hints, so stop asking.

Interesting morning for me. From 8 am to 9 am I had soccer practice (hehehehe XD). Love that song >:) ahem. Considering I'm in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP [I can be a spiteful bitch], I honed in on the team captain. One word: YUM. They are like fish, they're even tastier when you grab them fresh in the morning. He's no exception. Great at 'flexing' too, wonderfully shaped bubble butt. After we finished and while in the shower, I had this great need to 'bond' with the team. The gazes I've given to other members as they showered turned out to be dangerous. Don't you just love it when the juniors stand up and salute? *evil laugh* I spanked a bunch of tushies with a wet towel. Gasps and laughs. Made me delirious for sex. In comes team captain to reward the good player.

After last night's entry I called Nemo so we could go clubbing. The conversation that ensued was amusing:
"Nemo, come and pick me up over at my place"
"Huh? oh, clubbing? YOU? won't the boyfriend mind?" he snickers. I can barely hear him over the loud music in his car.
"He suggested it. So come."
I heard the wheels screech.
"What? what do you mean? oh shit, dude! don't tell me two got into a fight! maaan... this is such a gay soap opera kind of crap. I bet you just wanna get drunk to forget all your issues and then I have to take you back over to the apartment and when we're there you'll beg me to stay and I'll say--"
"Bye Nemo" I was about to hang up and call 9mm.
"Wait! DUDE. Didn't you know patience is a virtue?"
"..."
"Fine. I'll go! I'm there! I'm here! just... gimme 5"

The other conversations we had were irrelevant. Solaris is remodeling and it's awesome. They have this new section in last floor called "The Rainbow Room". It's made just for us fabulous fags. It's a circular room, one half is the bar, where they serve free jelly shots [all colors!] and other drinks [those they do charge, boo.]. The other half the sitting area, then in the center it's the dance floor. The roof is made out of glass so you can gaze into the sky, if you can do that and not pass out by the time you notice that detail. The room's not finished yet though, they want to make these four backrooms for romping. The hallways to get to those rooms will resemble Holland's Red District. My favorite place to sin. Damn, it was fun. The dancing, the grinding, the unknown mouths I kissed as they tempted me with delicious drinks, the rush, the adrenaline, and the bodies I friction with, the smell of hot, sweaty men, the euphoria... just thinking about it makes me hornier. I tried calling Rink twice but that didn't work. He'd love that place. Great music too. Hmm... I'm forgetting something. RIGHT. I had a threesome. *GROAN* Twins, oh my GOD. Oh the sinning! I'm so driving that minibus to hell. Heh. They were gorgeous. *swoon* I mean, such firm bodies, dark eyes, soft hair and eager to please. Who could resist them?! How they fought for my attention. And... Captain has just stood up erect and salutes. Damn it, now I can't move.

So yeah, yesterday wasn't so bad after all. Could have been worse. I'm at college right now, in the middle of class. Wireless internet can be such a savior. It's raining hard. I think it's going to turn into snow any moment now. Fudge, this class is so boring I might just start singing the alphabet out loud. Did I ever mention how peculiar I am?

I write long entries

Jolly what a ride. And for once, I'm not talking about sex. Well... not entirely about sex. Because there is ALWAYS sex when it comes to moi. Let it be that I was talking about sex, that I was flirting with the other/same sex, that I fought because of sex, that I want sex... you can pretty much imagine the rest.

It's been quite the weekend. Dunno where to start. Letsee... the basic elements here are: Rink, sex, threesomes, cheating, Laurie, fights, Alice, issues, friends, sickness, Alek, anger and music. Yeah. Jam-packed and uber interesting for you gossip queens that love to see this crap happen to other people. You know who you are. This is for you.

Since life is short and books are long, I'm just gonna go basic. There were plenty of misconceptions and miscommunication from both parties [Party A= Rink, Party B= me]. According to Party A this has always been an OPEN RELATIONSHIP. I know what you're all thinking. "Dude, that's great! you're so fucking lucky with that piece of meat!". Believe it or not, I'm directly quoting someone. *hintNEMOhint* So yeah. True. That's the best thing that could ever happen to me. No strings attached, no explanations, nothing. Just great sex. Except [because life is full of these]... I didn't think it was fantastic, or great, or even the best thing that ever happened to me. At some point, I thought I might as well just die if they are handing me the knife. In case you didn't know, I tend to be overly dramatic. Blame my afternoon drama classes. Back to me. I got pissed off. And I mean, PISSED OFF. How only Michel can be pissed off. Yeah, scary shit.

You know the equation: pissed off = jumping into conclusions / closed to other's arguments x violent x jealous. An accident waiting to happen.

Rink and I had various fights. All of them because of other people, mainly other subjects that he fucked around with. It's not only kissing my good friends, it's fucking too. First, ALEK aka Uke1. Man, what was he thinking? wait, he probably wasn't thinking. All I can say is... yikes. He's cute and all, in a very girl-y way. Jeez. Other subject that Rink seems to fancy is a specimen named Laurie aka Uke2. I thought Lawrence from "Little Women" too. They look pretty similar. This guy swears he has a "wonderful personality". Pfft. If I were a fag hag I would say "Aw, they look so cute" but since I really care about myself, I'll refrain from ever saying that again. It's insulting. O_o And those are the ones that so far have been fucked by the Rink-machine. Do expect a weekly column with further updates. Back to you Michel.

Thank you self. So... I'm a possessive, jealous bastard. I get real mad when I label something as mine and that something thinks it has personality and goes off to do all kinds of things without my consent. That's pretty much what happened. I led myself to believe something that wasn't real, not even close to that. I got confused, sidetracked, whatever you want to call it. And what I find particularly funny, now, after a few drinks and a few cigarrettes, is that I wanted to yell at Rink for not being responsable for his own actions. For always wanting for me to be there to save him. I was so selfish and childish, it was actually amusing. I thought of sinking him in a pot of lava or torturing him with feathers and all kinds of disgusting things that would have him cry out for an inmediate bath. Yeah. I'm the king of torture >:D

After a few weeks of being a tightass and of believing in girl's fairy tales, I decided to stop the crap and come back to Michel 1.0, that was a fun version of me. There's only so much I can stand. Besides, since when did I become so desperate for certain things? Must have been high or something. Funny thing is, Rink is probably still pissed at me. I did visit him earlier, our much needed sexual encounter. You know, to free certain energies and crap. He's such a horny dog. I think it bothers him that I tell him that. It's the truth. You'd think he's a guppy in certain aspects but in fact, he's a shark in them. It's funny actually. My lil' boy is all grown up. Still have some training to do though. If only Uke2 hadn't interrupted our stretching session. >;)

So I'm back. *public groans* Yes, I hate you too. <3 Did I mention that I love oxymorons?

I've drowned most of my feelings in music. I better go now. Damn tired and I want to be half-alive when Rink comes back.

And because poetry is never overrated:

The lost promise
Of the dying sigh
Was caught in an angel's whisper
To be kissed good-bye.

Oh! and my words of wisdom for the day: If you can't win them, kill them :D