I'm so fucking obsessed my head's swimming. I'm obsessed with him in every possible way. I can't have it that he talks to anyone that could hurt him, I can't have it that he goes away for too long, I can't have it that he loves someone in some other dimension shit, I can't have it that he ignores me or anything even closely related. I feel like such a fucking piece of shit. I want to get hurt, I want to build this stone wall around me where I can play my music quietly. I want to be trapped where I could torture myself by writing lots of songs, all intertwined with him. I would write about his future, about his present, about the world he made me believe existed, about the damage he did to my being... and you know what? I would be fine. I wouldn't need anything. I could rot there, but happy. I would love to have him there but how wrong or bad do you have it when you are so confused? I mean, can a specific feeling be THIS overwhealming and engulfing to the point of blindness?
And so it is.
I feel like crap and not sentimentally speaking. I mean, my stomach is a big piece of shit right now, churning. I think I'll throw up. Been too long on the computer, been eating too much junk. Oi.
On a completely different note, Happy Birthday Veronique.
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