Tuesday, July 1, 2003

Gripping fear...

It's moving up my spine and disengaging my neurons. My eyes are shinning, without blinking, and I'm still, sitting down, my entire body is tense as my arm trembles. THE conversation he says. What did I did wrong I wonder? it shouldn't BE a wonder. I'm a selfish, bastardic, selfcentered, antisocial prick. Raise your hands those who are surprised. Given as they are none I shall continue with this, horrible, leechy way of mine. I think I should die sooner than what everyone thinks. I'm not useful to humans, I'm not useful to anyone, not even those whom I supposedly loved. My hand is trembling now, the realization is sinking in. I.AM.USELESS. The more I think I'm doing something right, the more I think I'm protecting someone, it's in reality, the more I'm hurting and the more I'm doing the wrong thing. So maybe when I was young, I never learned correctly the difference between right and wrong. So maybe it was wrong hoping I could do things that obviously, I'm mentally challenged to do. The only purpose of my existence is to bemuse everyone else with my so-called beauty and there it ends. There is no other purpose for an empty candy wrapping, now is there? That should be my new nickname.

emptycandywrapping@hotmail.com

Yeah, I got a new e-mail. Hurrah for me. I'm not feeling all that much for one solid reason that happened that faithful day, I have no heart. I got rid of it. I squashed it. I tore it. I sliced it. I killed it. There is nothing left so I feel any pain, it's probably from the lack of heart, the heart that craves to feel but can't because it's not even there.
Oh sweet glory.

Toss and turn me.
I'm a empty candy wrapping,
Step on, squash me,
There really is no stopping.


::EDIT::
I want to die alone.

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