Loneliness and abandon. Two very powerful words when it comes to someone like me. It's one of those days you just KNOW IT. You are going to be a miserable son of a bitch for the rest of your life, your sister will leave you and you'll be forced to move into an oldies home where you will commit suicide. Life isn't worthless, it's simply impossible to live when in such pain. I can't show pain, I can only feel it. I hate this even more when I wake up in the middle of the night, a spector, looking at my surroundings trying to see whether the neighbors sexual grunting woke me up or it was the nightmare I was having. It's sad really. People think of me a piece of statue that breathes and talks. I really don't think I could change the world, even if I wanted to. Screw it all. I don't have what I need to be happy, whatever it was, it died a long time ago. I hate myself at this moment. I can't live with myself on this body or on any body. I can't BE. Life has no meaning whatsoever to someone who has or IS loosing every bit of dreaming they had left. One can't survive without dreams, I recently discovered. Love, caring, thoughtfulness, presents... it's all a joke. Hope is what remains and is the last to leave. I think Hope is the only thing I have left with me. My persona is the aftermath of a hurricane: disaster, destruction, confusion.
I'm gay. Or atleast that is what I know of. In reality I think I'm BI which might be slightly better... or WORSE? I dunno. All I know is that I am numb and right now, a fire could come and consume me and I wouldn't know the difference. No, forget it, I'm gay. Definitely gay.
